Ambivalence anyone?
Ambivalence.
I am really ambivalent about it.
It's alarming to contemplate the role of ambivalence in messing up relationships, jobs, political elections, (especially if you are a democratic candidate) - everything in life. You know, the old "can't commit" / "can't escape" / "putting up with bad for fear of worse" / "was that the worst mistake of my life?" stuff. It leads all the way to "is life worth living?" / "it really is all my fault, isn't it?" / "did I deserve that?" "maybe I should just scream at them" garbage.
Is decision-making possible for an ambivalent mind? Not sure. It makes bold mistakes less likely. But how can you tell whether enough evidence is in to make an informed choice? How reliable is your gut? Should you trust your gut more than your mind? What does your gut tell you about that? Intellectually, it's a close call.
Seriously though, folks: Is ambivalence a matter of seeing real dilemmas, or a cramping habit of wearing 'dilemma' glasses all the time? Got me to thinking of this gnawingly bad strategy in a humorous light. So how about a few 'ambivalence' aphorisms?
==================================
Are you ambivalent?
.....Not sure? Can't decide?
.....You might not be!
Ambivalence: the perceptive way to destroy your life.
Resist temptation and miss all the fun.
Avoid mistakes and avoid all wisdom.
That which is fool-proof is also genius-proof.
Be Open-Minded! See the Bad Side of Everything.
Stools come in pairs. Fall between them all.
There are two sides to every question, and I take all three.
Embrace Ambivalence and escape the Agony of Choice.
Choose! But remember:
.....There are good reasons for both sides
.....So everything you do is a mistake.
Refuse to choose! Miss out on everything!
Ambivalence is the freedom to feel guilty about everything.
It therefore provides a good reason for every procrastination.
Can't commit? Don't! Just say you do and feel guilty about lying.
======================================
Ambivalence may be uncomfortable,
but certainty is always wrong, especially when you are really really really sure.
Perhaps the problems associated with ambivalence come from trying to escape it. Or do they?
If ambivalence makes you feel guilty about everything, maybe religion tries to help assuage this by choosing for you - telling you what to feel guilty about, and what you can and must do that is right and guilt-free. It doesn't work though, as you feel guilty about not doing the guilt-free things enough. On the other hand, it works in a sneaky way by making the guilty things so much more fun.
Why do people find certainty attractive, desirable, or appealing? Maybe because it removes, forbids, the need for thought. It relieves us of the burden of being alive. Why do those religious hucksters smile so much? Because they are happy to have escaped the messiness of life. I saw a preacher on TV this morning who said, in essence, that when life is terrific, that is what God wants for you. When life is shitty, that is what God wants for you too, so that you can learn and have even more terrific life soon. Boy, that's handy. Everything is great - even when it is shitty. And it all turns out in the end to be for my own personal benefit. Such a relief, like George Bush's confidence.
(Hold on! Isn't "terrific" derived from the word "terror?" Isn't this positive-attitude thing just seeing the whole world as part of my personal optimistic wish-world? That seems awfully narcissistic. Nice TV program, but I feel cheated.)
On the other hand, maybe (not sure) they have escaped paralytic ambivalence, and thus can do stuff - like social work, watching out for others, and comforting the afflicted; actually doing it while I just agonize over whether I should. Hmm. There's not much to be said for ambivalence really, so which way out, other than dogmatism and stubbornness, should I choose?
Make plans and ignore them?
Make plans and change them?
Have no plans but act with passionate lack of direction?
Trust to luck, constantly complaining about being unlucky?
Change my mind all the time, especially when asked to repeat an opinion I just expressed really clearly?
Always dislike the status quo?
Regret every change anybody just made?
Maybe these are all bad. How can I tell?
I am really ambivalent about it.
It's alarming to contemplate the role of ambivalence in messing up relationships, jobs, political elections, (especially if you are a democratic candidate) - everything in life. You know, the old "can't commit" / "can't escape" / "putting up with bad for fear of worse" / "was that the worst mistake of my life?" stuff. It leads all the way to "is life worth living?" / "it really is all my fault, isn't it?" / "did I deserve that?" "maybe I should just scream at them" garbage.
Is decision-making possible for an ambivalent mind? Not sure. It makes bold mistakes less likely. But how can you tell whether enough evidence is in to make an informed choice? How reliable is your gut? Should you trust your gut more than your mind? What does your gut tell you about that? Intellectually, it's a close call.
Seriously though, folks: Is ambivalence a matter of seeing real dilemmas, or a cramping habit of wearing 'dilemma' glasses all the time? Got me to thinking of this gnawingly bad strategy in a humorous light. So how about a few 'ambivalence' aphorisms?
==================================
Are you ambivalent?
.....Not sure? Can't decide?
.....You might not be!
Ambivalence: the perceptive way to destroy your life.
Resist temptation and miss all the fun.
Avoid mistakes and avoid all wisdom.
That which is fool-proof is also genius-proof.
Be Open-Minded! See the Bad Side of Everything.
Stools come in pairs. Fall between them all.
There are two sides to every question, and I take all three.
Embrace Ambivalence and escape the Agony of Choice.
Choose! But remember:
.....There are good reasons for both sides
.....So everything you do is a mistake.
Refuse to choose! Miss out on everything!
Ambivalence is the freedom to feel guilty about everything.
It therefore provides a good reason for every procrastination.
Can't commit? Don't! Just say you do and feel guilty about lying.
======================================
Ambivalence may be uncomfortable,
but certainty is always wrong, especially when you are really really really sure.
Perhaps the problems associated with ambivalence come from trying to escape it. Or do they?
If ambivalence makes you feel guilty about everything, maybe religion tries to help assuage this by choosing for you - telling you what to feel guilty about, and what you can and must do that is right and guilt-free. It doesn't work though, as you feel guilty about not doing the guilt-free things enough. On the other hand, it works in a sneaky way by making the guilty things so much more fun.
Why do people find certainty attractive, desirable, or appealing? Maybe because it removes, forbids, the need for thought. It relieves us of the burden of being alive. Why do those religious hucksters smile so much? Because they are happy to have escaped the messiness of life. I saw a preacher on TV this morning who said, in essence, that when life is terrific, that is what God wants for you. When life is shitty, that is what God wants for you too, so that you can learn and have even more terrific life soon. Boy, that's handy. Everything is great - even when it is shitty. And it all turns out in the end to be for my own personal benefit. Such a relief, like George Bush's confidence.
(Hold on! Isn't "terrific" derived from the word "terror?" Isn't this positive-attitude thing just seeing the whole world as part of my personal optimistic wish-world? That seems awfully narcissistic. Nice TV program, but I feel cheated.)
On the other hand, maybe (not sure) they have escaped paralytic ambivalence, and thus can do stuff - like social work, watching out for others, and comforting the afflicted; actually doing it while I just agonize over whether I should. Hmm. There's not much to be said for ambivalence really, so which way out, other than dogmatism and stubbornness, should I choose?
Make plans and ignore them?
Make plans and change them?
Have no plans but act with passionate lack of direction?
Trust to luck, constantly complaining about being unlucky?
Change my mind all the time, especially when asked to repeat an opinion I just expressed really clearly?
Always dislike the status quo?
Regret every change anybody just made?
Maybe these are all bad. How can I tell?
posted by Andrew Massey | Sunday, December 05, 2004
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